It’s that time of year again when tinsel mysteriously gets in your porridge and children get creative by graffitiing your extremities following an over-exuberant trip into a bottle of mulled wine. Pretty standard behaviour for any nuclear family I’m sure you’d agree.
But here at Geeks Unleashed we thought we’d shake things up by eating pizza for Christmas dinner, wrapping presents in newspaper and listening to alternative takes on Christmas classics. I mean, who needs Maria Carey when you’ve got a death metal take on Santa Baby?
So here it is, the long anticipated top ten of Alternative Christmas Classics (in no particular order):
1. Rudolph the Rednosed… Redneck? by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Possibly the finest take on this classic sing-along, Skynyrd’s most recent incarnation decided to abandon the Stars and Bars in favour of a countrified reworking of eleven Christmas standards.
2. Winter Wonderland by Toby Keth
Keeping with the country theme, this groovy and fun-filled take on Felix Bernard’s pop ballad is drenched in fiddles, banjos and honky-tonk indulgence. Not bad for a man dubbed the Angry American.
3. A Mad Russian’s Christmas by The Trans-Siberian Orchestra
A crunching, throbbing semi-Philharmonic masterpiece, A Mad Russian’s Christmas is from the band’s debut album Christmas Eve and Other Stories, and is a refreshing reminder of the skill and expertise associated with this brand of alternative metal.
4. All I Want for Christmas is You by Maddi Jane
As always, we’re on the prowl for new talent and in 14 year old Maddi Jane we believe we’ve found one. Her take on this heart-warming love song showcases what a young voice yet to reach its maturity can do. Watch this space, we’ve got a special one here.
5. We Wish You a Reggae Christmas by Yellowman
I love this. The tune is both recognisable but also entirely unfamiliar, which makes for a comforting but exciting take on what should be the sounds of snow and coal fires, but has come out as the sounds of warm beaches and dancing in the sunset. Nice one Mr. Winston ‘Yellowman’ Foster.
6. 12 Redneck Days of Christmas by Jeff Foxworthy
Woh, somebody done been to the Walmart! For those in need of a good chuckle this Christmas, tune into this crazy and irreverent interpretation of the po-faced staple.
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin tickets
10 of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dogs
And some parts to a Mustang GT
7. Silent Night by Weezer
They did something other than Teenage Dirtbag?
8. Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen
Generally speaking, anything that The Boss touches turns to pure gold, but in this case even Mr. Springsteen has excelled himself. The tune stinks of Jersey Rock, with the highlights being the sax licks and solos by the late Clarence Clemmons.
9. Jingle Bells by Techno Christmas
This is awful, just awful. So bad, in fact, that it had to be included on here. Warning: not suitable for children, pets or people with a delicate musical constitution. I mean, it even speeds up towards the end.
10. The Bells of Dublin/Christmas Eve by The Chieftains
Call me a stereotypical Irishman (you, the flat cap wearer?), but this tremendous bit of diddley aye from traditional royalty, The Chieftains, is as close as anything to prove the argument that God is Irish.
MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL! SEE YOU IN 2013!